Harry Potter au where Harry didn’t lose being a parsletongue and Albus buys a snake as a pet one year because snakes are cool and one day just walks in on Harry and the snake having a deep conversation
Albus is 17 and loses his virginity in his room and forgets the snake talks to his dad and when Harry gets home the snake is all like OH MY GOSH YOU’D NEVER GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WHAT HAPPENED
STEVE ROGERS IS IN SLYTHERIN OKAY. I DON’T CARE HOW NICE OR GOOD HE IS, THAT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
YES HE’S BRAVE, BUT DID YOU NOT WATCH THE FIRST HALF HOUR OF THE FIRST AVENGER? DID YOU NOT WATCH ANY OF THAT MOVIE? THAT LITTLE SHIT LIED ON FEDERAL FORMS TO GET WHAT HE WANTED. HIS AMBITION WAS TO JOIN THE ARMY AND HE DID IT BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. HE WAS RUTHLESSLY EFFECTIVE. HE WAS UMAPOLOGETICALLY BADASS. HE’S CLEVER AND DETERMINED AND RESOURCEFUL AND A LEADER, ALL SLYTHERIN QUALITIES.
AND IF YOU THINK THAT HE HAD A HOUSE PREFERENCE BC “”“NICENESS”“”” LEMME TELL YOU THAT IF THAT BOY KNEW THAT SLYTHERIN COULD HELP HIM GET WHERE HE WANTED TO GO IN LIFE, HE WOULD NOT THINK TWICE. HE WOULD NOT LISTEN TO STEREOTYPES ABOUT THAT HOUSE, NOR WOULD HE LOOK DOWN OF KIDS FROM OTHER HOUSES, ESPECIALLY CUZ THAT SOFT HEARTED HEROIC NERD OF A BEST FRIEND HE HAS DEFINITELY ENDED UP IN HUFFLEPUFF.