feredir:

WILL NO

(via miggylol)

darecrow:

darecrow:

are you guys okay

I didn’t mean for this to get this many notes I’m just genuinely concerned for these people

darecrow:

darecrow:

are you guys okay

I didn’t mean for this to get this many notes I’m just genuinely concerned for these people

(via miggylol)

hannibeeandwill:

Hanni is a spiteful boyfriendo, my god. ((season finale spoilers)) 

(via emtealeonin)

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

(via gracelescas)

clintashamcu97:

Clintasha & Text Posts Part 2

(via emtealeonin)

angermonkey:

iamachilles:

seanrose:

I’m still really upset and angry. He did it once, the camera happened to be on him, he did it once and I think it’s the funniest joke that’s ever been on our show. - Michael Schur (x)

this line made me cry laugh so hard i had to pause the episode, im glad mr schur agrees

Wow.

Oh, just STOP, Chris Pratt. JUST STOP being so charming.

(via miggylol)

kinpunshou:

so this morning i was playing with the slow-mo mode on my phone, hoping to get a majestic vid of a bumblebee taking off
but instead i found this dumbfuck

kinpunshou:

so this morning i was playing with the slow-mo mode on my phone, hoping to get a majestic vid of a bumblebee taking off

but instead i found this dumbfuck

(via miggylol)

pureorangeness:

professorsparklepants:

amazing spider-man (2014) #2

good to have you back peter

(via miggylol)

picklespickleyama:

bronzebasilisk:

fan-troll:

lord-kitschener:

jimblespage:

jolys:

caterjunes:

spiffymuffin:

yunghau5:

3dboyfriends:

smashbrethren:

prostheticknowledge:

Dildo Generator

Online 3D experiment by Ikaros Kappler which is described as a “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” ….

Created with three.js, you can alter the bezier curves and angle of the form, and is designed with 3D printing in mind (models can be exported and saved, as well as calculated weight in silicone).

Try it out for yourself (if you wish) here

the time is now

hell yeah

image

ah yes, the ol rolling pin dilda

image

image

it’s called the purple ramjet

which end do you start with? the answer is yours to decide

shove a vase up your ass

not even jesus could save yall motherfuckers’ souls

image
i call it the matterhorn

cackling just continues to get louder as I scroll through

i think this is the first time an internet community has discovered something customizable and adamantly refused to make penises

(via miggylol)

Interviewer: Did you do a lot of your own stunts?

Anthony Mackie: I did a bunch of the stuff leading up to the stunts. I tried to do one stunt and I ran into a parked car, face-first.

Interviewer: The directors were telling me— I asked if there were any close calls and that was the one situation they brought up!

AM: [Laughs] No, but they tricked me. First of all, no one— if I tell you to fly, you’re not going to know how to fly ‘cause as humans, we don’t fly. So they tell me they’re going to raise me up ten feet and let me go. I swing in, land on my feet, and walk and talk…. so they pulled me up ten feet and said ‘how do you feel?’ and I said ‘I feel good!’ But I keep going up! They pull me up forty feet off the ground and I’m like ‘THIS DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT!’ [Laughs] And they let me go. And I’m coming down at like….mach 2, right? And I look at Chris [Evans]’s face and he goes… “You’re going to die.”

-Anthony Mackie, interview with Access Hollywood

Guys, watch this WHOLE THING. He’s fucking hilarious. 

(via partytimexelent)

(via miggylol)